Dem convention, day one, as explained by ... Lileks? Oh dear Lord.
When the Democrats trotted to the edge of the cliff with Obama, and threatened to leap, we chuckled. "Do what you gotta do, guys."
When Obama pondered his veep choice, some of us cringed. Then he chose Joe Biden, and we haven't stopped laughing.
Today is the first day of the Democrat convention in Denver, and to keep the laughs going for us, James Lileks "volunteered" for the job. He's blogging it here so go there when you need a laugh, or some snark. Here's a taste filed under "Verboten":
Today the security check-in tent has expanded to Ringling dimensions. Same rules: remove everything metallic and electrical. You cannot even think of the concept of steel or even the lesser, more malleable metals, or you will set off the detectors; they’re calibrated to beep if you’ve listened to Iron Maiden in the last 24 hours. All electronic devices must be turned on - but of course by the time you get to your place before the Inquisitors, everything has shut itself off. You hold up the line as you struggle with your STUPID CAMERA, which has a balky button; it will turn on only when pressed for a second, but if you press it too long it turns itself off immediately. Behind you, professional camerapersons fume: rube. I made it through without alarms - or so I thought.”Got another Apple,” said the screener. I actually wondered if they were talking about the make of computer, and were all Mac fans themselves, but no. The secondary screener team plowed through my bags and came up with . . . an apple. ”Can’t bring these in,” said Officer Apple-taker. I asked why, instantly regretting it: Don’t cause a scene, idiot, just move along and accept the loss of an apple as one of those things that happens, unless you really want to wear the plastic bracelets and she said “it could be thrown.”Yes, it could be thrown; it could also be eaten. That was the plan, long ago.”I had to take a peach and a pear too,” she added. Somehow that made it better. A simple, soft, gentle peach was now considered a weapon? Arrr. No roughage, no peace! No roughage, no peace!Once inside I made my way to StarTribune HQ Central; passed Talk Radio Row, where dozens of talk show hosts in the country are seated, in hell. Talk radio is usually performed from a nice comfy booth where everyone takes pains not to make noise; here you’re talking in a hallway with people milling around laughing and talking. Blogger row is different, I imagine - and now I’m off to find it.
James sounds like he's having A LOT of fun, doesn't he? Thank God we're not there. If we were, there wouldn't be a need for plastic bracelets. We'd need straitjackets.
Publius II
When Obama pondered his veep choice, some of us cringed. Then he chose Joe Biden, and we haven't stopped laughing.
Today is the first day of the Democrat convention in Denver, and to keep the laughs going for us, James Lileks "volunteered" for the job. He's blogging it here so go there when you need a laugh, or some snark. Here's a taste filed under "Verboten":
Today the security check-in tent has expanded to Ringling dimensions. Same rules: remove everything metallic and electrical. You cannot even think of the concept of steel or even the lesser, more malleable metals, or you will set off the detectors; they’re calibrated to beep if you’ve listened to Iron Maiden in the last 24 hours. All electronic devices must be turned on - but of course by the time you get to your place before the Inquisitors, everything has shut itself off. You hold up the line as you struggle with your STUPID CAMERA, which has a balky button; it will turn on only when pressed for a second, but if you press it too long it turns itself off immediately. Behind you, professional camerapersons fume: rube. I made it through without alarms - or so I thought.”Got another Apple,” said the screener. I actually wondered if they were talking about the make of computer, and were all Mac fans themselves, but no. The secondary screener team plowed through my bags and came up with . . . an apple. ”Can’t bring these in,” said Officer Apple-taker. I asked why, instantly regretting it: Don’t cause a scene, idiot, just move along and accept the loss of an apple as one of those things that happens, unless you really want to wear the plastic bracelets and she said “it could be thrown.”Yes, it could be thrown; it could also be eaten. That was the plan, long ago.”I had to take a peach and a pear too,” she added. Somehow that made it better. A simple, soft, gentle peach was now considered a weapon? Arrr. No roughage, no peace! No roughage, no peace!Once inside I made my way to StarTribune HQ Central; passed Talk Radio Row, where dozens of talk show hosts in the country are seated, in hell. Talk radio is usually performed from a nice comfy booth where everyone takes pains not to make noise; here you’re talking in a hallway with people milling around laughing and talking. Blogger row is different, I imagine - and now I’m off to find it.
James sounds like he's having A LOT of fun, doesn't he? Thank God we're not there. If we were, there wouldn't be a need for plastic bracelets. We'd need straitjackets.
Publius II
posted by Syd And Vaughn | 2:06 PM
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